A Unique Person
by Measure Theory
Summary: Welcome to an alternate universe in which pokémon-human hybrids do exist, albeit very rare they are, and Unova and Treasure Town exist side by side. The story follows Eric, a dewott-human hybrid and his newly met friend and starter pokémon Griffin as their absurd reactions move the story forward. Contains MxM relations later on.
1. Chapter 1

Ah, hello there reader! I have to warn you, I am a very crazy, perverted person and must AXEW not to flame my stories. If you do flame, I will roast you alive over them with no remorse.~

Constructive criticism, however, is quite welcome. Encouraged actually, so please... Read and Review. And don't forget to RECYCLE!

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Ah, hello there. My name is Eric, But people generally call me the "Wotter boy". Why you may ask? Well, you'll just have to find out!

"Eric! Get up! You're late!"

Oops, looks like I slept in again! I have to go! Like... Now!

I race to get my clothes on, throwing on my underwear, baggy jeans and a cyan jacket. In my rush, my overgrown teardrop-like tail knocked over a bottle of India Ink, causing it to spill all over the carpet. Well... Fuck.

If you've ever spilled India Ink on something like your shirt, you should know by now that its almost impossible to get the stain out. Thank arceus I shed my fur, I've spilled said dark liquid on myself a number of times, all in which I freak out.

I quickly run into my bathroom and look into the mirror. Yup, that's me all right. Light blue bed hair, some black kitten-like ears, and some flipper feet. Oh, and don't forget that black tail and my amber eyes! Sometimes people say they can see my eyes in the night, so I'm kind of questioning if I could be a cross between a human and a dewott... Or something else. Hmm...

I thrust my right hand into the sink and turned it on, allowing the water to flow all over my paw. When it was thoroughly soaked I turned the contraption off and started to flatten my bad hairdo. Stupid bed hair.

Next I started to brush my teeth, picking up my tooth brush and spreading that sinister tasting paste onto it. Then I jabbed it into my mouth and brushed as fast as I could. Looking back at the mirror, I looked like I was deep throating a toothbrush... Wait, where the hell did that thought come from!?

I quickly spat out into the sink, washed the dirty brush, and shoved it back into its drawer. I then picked up two shells from the counter and hurried downstairs into the kitchen, only to run straight out the door with no thoughts about breakfast whatsoever.

I thought that maybe today I would be less clumsy than usual, especially since I was trying not to make a fool of myself. I changed my mind after I tripped over a piece of GOD DAMN GRAVEL and face planted into the ground. I threw a fit of agony and got back up, only to fall over again on another piece of satanic rock. Seriously, today is rough, and it hasn't even been an hour since I've woken up! Furthermore, I think I forgot to pack my cheese. Yup, definitely missing my cheese.

What cheese you may ask? Well, my family is weird so as a family heirloom, we pass down an a thousand-year old block of swiss cheese. Sheesh, I can only imagine the wonders it could unleash on your unsuspecting stomach! Its terrifying!

Back on the subject of where I am going. Let me explain, I have just turned ten, which means I am able to get one of three pocket monsters from Professor Juniper. Of course, I had to be late, so I am scrambling to the lab so she doesn't flip. You see, Juniper has a case of MAJOR BIPOLAR DISORDER, and if I piss her off, she could literally go on a rampage around town. Don't want angry scientists tearing down houses, do we? Reminds me of Princess Peach in those Mario games.

I finally manage to get off the ground and get back to walking, until that mentally insane shaymin decides to fly straight into my face, scream something about cookies, and fly away. I sat there, pondering, and then realized I was just wasting more time! I scrambled to the lab, which was decorated in, might I say, vibrant reds and deep greens. I think there was some blues and yellows in there are well. It looked like a giant child splattered paint all over a canvas, but then he or she splattered every color they had on this one spot on the canvas. Now that I come to think of it, the child could have been a hermaphrodite. Hmm.

As I walked up the steps of the quite colorful lab, I noticed the pink door and opened it, stepping into the lab. The interior of the lab was actually quite bland compared to the outside. White walls and grey floors really, nothing exciting. But standing in the middle was a middle-aged professor, her feet tapping on the floor and her face... Her face was scrunched up in a way that said "Just don't fuck with me today". I smiled sheepishly, almost nervously and greeted her in the most informal fashion I could. "It's quite a good day out, isn't it professor?" I said in the most casual sounding voice I could muster, trying to mask my now growing nervousness.

"You're late," the professor responded, rancor practically woven into her speech, kind of like a quilt. "Yeah, um... I'm sorry about that professor... You see-" I began, "No excuses Eric. When you're late, you're late. By the way, it looks like you got hit by sixteen garbage trucks, eaten up by a haxorus, which then spat you out in its attempt to stomach your inexcusable lateness." "Actually, I tripped over some gravel at least five times and got hit in the face by that crazy shaymin. No garbage truck or haxorus, though that would be much more exciting," I laughed.

"Anyways, let's get you a Pokémon, shall we? After all, you went through all that trouble to get here, so it would be a waste of time if I were to just tell you to go home and catch your own," she stated, seemingly still annoyed by my late appearance in the lab. "Eheheh, right..."

The professor led me over to an elaborate cherry table, on which three marble-sized red and white spheres rested. "Well... Which will it be, Eric?"


	2. Chapter 2

There I stood, with the three pokéballs in front of me, the professor waiting for me to make my decision. I picked up the first ball, which was labeled with a leaf, "You don't mind if I 'inspect' each one first, do you?" I asked, the professor shook her head "I don't mind, go ahead." Out came a snivy, who seemed to have a calm and confident, almost smug stature. I bent down and tried to start a conversation, "Hi there, I'm Eric… I was wondering if you could tell me a little about yourself?" The snivy looked at me quizzically and then laughed, I guess he just isn't much of a social type. "Professor, why is this blue haired mongoose talking to me?" It asked, aware that Juniper wouldn't understand a single word, I guess it just underestimated me however, since I could understand every single word.

"I'm not a mongoose!" I exclaimed, "I'm a... Actually, I don't know what I am but I'm definitely not a mongoose!" The snivy, slightly freaked out, had ran under the table. "I guess you just aren't much of a social type, are you Snivy? Oh well..." I returned the snivy to its ball and released the contents of the second ball, which was labeled with a drop of water, and out came an oshawott which looked at me like I was some strange specimen or something. "Sir, might I ask who you are?" It asked. I stifled a laugh. The otter pokémon had a heavy British accent and he wore a white lab coat, I wonder how THAT got in the ball...?

"My name's Eric, nice to meet you," I said in an informal matter. "Ah, might I ask what your species is called? I haven't seen anything like you before," Oshawott asked, examining my hand, which freaked me out a little. "Actually, I don't know what species I am," I stated nervously. "I see," it muttered, "I assume you're race is similar to a homo sapien sapien?" "Um... What?" I asked.

"A homo sapien sapien, more commonly known as a human, is a bipedal creature with a high intellect. Instead of actually using that intellect, they're too caught up in judging other humans. Its quite pointless, if I do say so myself," the otter said, trying a little too hard to sound like Juniper. Its hilarious because he sounded nothing like her, in fact, it sounded like a dead spheal!

I went straight to the third ball and returned the... Ahem, scientist to its ball. I then let out the contents of the third ball, which was labeled wit h a fire sticker. At first I thought it would be a charmander but squirtle and bulbasaur weren't there so I had my doubts, and then I heard one of the readers scream "Eric, you're so stupid!" He looked around the room quizzically, "What the fuck?"

"Well... Um... Go fire type?" I said, not sure what pocket monster was inside the ball. "Eric, do you know of the Unova starters, because it seems that you're avoiding assigning names to the Pokémon before releasing them into the world," asked Professor Juniper. I responded in a way similar to a duck, scrunching up his face and saying "Nope, I'm too busy trying to look like a walrus to research starters!"

"For your information, Eric, you look more like a duck," Juniper sighed in a slightly amused fashion, "The three Unova starters consist of oshawott, snivy, and tepig." I twitched, I was still holding the ball! Instead of waiting for me to release it, the Pokémon just came out by itself! It looked a lot like a pig actually... Pretty cute, but I still wanted a charmander.

The tepig looked up at me with a face of curiosity, not similar to Oshawott's though. More of a general curiosity than a focused curiosity. I sat down on my knees, "Hello there," I said, wondering what this one would be like... How it would present its personality. Guess what happened next? It sat too and said, "Good morning!" In a warm and confident voice, almost demonstrating how this particular fire type seems to warm up to people very easily, "How are you?"

"Lovely," I stated, in an act of badinage. The pig giggled, "Sure! You're face looks all bloody! Of course you're having a wonderful time!", it said facetiously. I laughed, "I fell on a rock and got hit in the face by a shaymin ! I'd say its been a pretty good day." This little guy was definitely a keeper.

"Tepig, how would you feel about going on a journey with me?" I asked, my voice filled with anticipation. "That would be great!" It yelled and pranced around like a little kid that managed to get high on caffeine or sugar, except for instead of a kid it was a red and black pig that spits fire, "Can we? Can we?" It started to hop around as well. What a silly pig! "I guess its settled then," said the Professor, "From now on, this tepig is your responsibility, Eric." I pocketed the ball and opened the door, "Thanks for everything, Juniper!" And at that, me and my tepig started a new chapter in our lives.

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Well, finished the second chapter pretty quickly... Have a nice day people! R&amp;R~


	3. Chapter 3

"Any idea where the hell we are?" I asked, we were lost... Very lost. "Nope," the pig responded, "No idea! I'd guess we're on route 1 though." I sighed, "That's kind of obvious..." The tepig looked up at me, "C'mon, lighten up! We're going to get out of this forest sooner or later! I just know it!" How would he know THAT? "What are we going to do? Just walk straight until we run into a city?" I asked. "Basically!" it pranced around, with very little worry about what was going on. Just then, the shaymin decided to fly in my face a second time today. "COOKIES!" It yelled. "WHAT ABOUT THEM?!" I screamed back in animosity, "CAN YOU JUST STOP FLYING INTO MY FACE PLEASE?!"

The shaymin looked at me terrified. It was never screamed at, and wondered if the world was going to end or something. "M-m-my bad s-sir," it stuttered. "Whatever," I rolled my eyes, this guy was annoying in so many ways. First, he comes up to my window and knocks on it, screaming something about a place in between Kanto and Johto, then he flies into my face twice in one day! Furthermore, yelling "Cookies!" while doing so... Seriously, this guy needs a psychiatrist.

Somewhere in between my thoughts of rancor towards the shaymin, I remembered that Juniper didn't give me a pokédex! Argh! The only good thing that has happened today is getting my starter pokémon! "Ugh," I sighed, "Juniper forgot to give me a pokédex and pokéballs." Tepig mumbled something about running out of something and my ears perked up, "What was that?" Tepig looked up at me and said "Juniper is out of stock on pokédexes, so she's going to be sending you one through the mail at the center." I shook my head, "Looks like we're going to have to return to this route later on," I looked around, noting the sudden absence of a white and green reindeer, "Damn, that guy's fast." I also noted the setting sun.

"We should set up camp here for the night," I said, there was no way we we're going to be able to get out of this forest tonight, its going to be too dark soon. Besides, I don't want to be raped by an ursaring or something. "Agreed," the tepig responded. I put my back pack on the ground, took out my tent, and got work.

After we finished setting up the tent, we went out and gathered firewood and we started a fire to keep the animals away from the campsite. "Hey, Eric, why don't I have a name like you?" the tepig asked. "So you're saying you want a name?" I responded in a quizzical manner. The tepig nodded. I thought for a bit, "Okay, from now on you'll be known as Griffin, the intriguing pig!" I exclaimed. Griffin laughed, "Well alright!"

After the fire went out, we went inside our tent and talked about our plan for tomorrow. "We could head northeast to that town over there," I pointed to a town in between Route 1 and Route 2, what was the name of it again? Oh well. "We could head west and end up in Treasure Town, the biggest pokémon colony in Unova," the pig said, slightly dazed from the long night. "Treasure Town? Never heard of it," I stated, "What's it like?" Griffin somehow pulled out his own map from one of his hooves and gave it to me, and what do you know... Its even labeled as "Map of Treasure Town." I noticed the large wigglytuff-like structure at a crossroad and asked, "Hey, what's this?" The tepig looked and responded, "That's wigglytuff's guild. Since we're most likely only going to be staying in the town for one night, we really won't have to worry about all these things."

"So, what's the guild for?" I asked, still curious about this large and pink building in the middle of the town, "Like, is it a blacksmith's guild or something?" The tepig shook his head, slightly amused, "It's an exploration guild," he stated. "Oh." The tepig sighed, "Treasure Town is not that really safe of a place though, its riddled with criminals." Well, we can avoid that place then, I thought. "I think we should just head northeast, it takes shorter and there is less of a risk of getting killed that way," the tepig said tiredly, "Anyways, we should get to sleep, today's been hectic." I nodded, I was tired too. Tomorrow, northeast!


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, me and Griffin set our sights on Accumula town. Of course, there was still no trace of the cookie crazed shaymin, so we were safe from mental insanity for a bit. Griffin was dead set on becoming a fatty, so he started to eat anything he could see, which included him trying to eat my pants. Can you believe it? MY PANTS. They're the only pair I have!

After all that, we packed up and started heading down the road towards Accumula, and I end up tripping again! For fuck sake, how many times must I trip on pebbles? Seriously! Even better is that I fell face first into a puddle of mud! Now my fur is dirty! DAMMIT!

Almost immediately after I fell, Griffin checked to see if I was okay. Once we got walking again, he asked a question that confused me. "Eric, um… What's your viewpoint on homosexuality?" he asked. Like I said before, I was confused, "I believe people should be allowed to love whomever they like..." I paused, "Why?" The tepig looked down and stuttered, "O-Oh… Um… N-No reason!" If I was correct, he was blushing! What's going on with this guy? First he tries to eat my pants… And now he's getting flustered from a simple question! We kept walking.

A couple minutes later, and we were in that beautiful Accumula Pokémon center. Even better, the shaymin from before was screaming dubstep at the nurse, who was staring at him in a quizzical manner, probably silently laughing to herself. "How may I help you?" she asked, in an amused fashion towards the shaymin. Similar to when a lillipup sees a pachirisu and decides "Y'know, I think I'm just gonna creep this poor squirrel out for fun~!" The shaymin continued spraying dubstep out of his orifice. "WHOOOP WA WA WOOOOOB! GIVE. ME. COOKIES! WA WA WA WOOOOB WOOB WOOB!" I giggled at the shaymin's sudden antics, and I think I heard Griffin trying to stifle a laugh as well. He couldn't. "HAHAHAHAHAH!"

"Mr. Shaymin, are you doing this to waste my time? If so, could you please leave? I have Pokémon to tend to!" the nurse said to the cookie crazed, dubstepping shaymin, "Plus, I have to clean the damn fountain today!" But the shaymin continued, "I. WANT. COOKIES. WA WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB WOOB! WAAAA WUBWUWU WUB WUB WOOOOOOB!" Joy sighed, frustrated with the shaymin's persistence, yelled, "OH REALLY, THE ONLY COOKIES I HAVE ARE HOSPITAL FLAVORED! I PRESUME YOU DON'T LIKE THAT FLAVOR VERY MUCH, DO YOU?!" Everyone in the center jumped, even the old hobo in the corner with the flaming pocket watch.

"Nyeh?" it said, "Any flavor will do as long as I have my cookies!" The nurse punched the shaymin in the face, knocking it out, and pulled it into the nursing area. "Son of a bitch," she murmured. "They ain't know when to shut up do they?" another guy asked. After that, I stopped paying much attention to what was going on, and just walked up to the large blue stand seamlessly in the center of the center. Wow. And just my luck, the person running the stand had a hook for a hand.

"Could I have a five pokéballs please?" I asked, slightly scared by the man's appearance. Obviously he has to be wearing a cape too. CAPTAIN HOOK! HA! "What kind of pokéballs?" he asked, apparently disgusted at everything in his vicinity… "J-Just normal pokéballs please!" I know normal pokéballs aren't very effective in catching Pokémon, but c'mon, we're in between route 1 and route 2! The Pokémon around here aren't as serious as the ones in later routes! They would be effective enough for me to assemble a team if I ever need one.

The man handed me my five pokéballs in exchange for some pokédollars, and me and Griffin rented a room at the center for the night. The rest of the day, we screwed around. We ate icecream, saw a couple battles. Hell, the shaymin had a beatboxing battle with some other dude from Aspertia! It was a good, long day. After the long and fun day, me and Griffin headed to our room to get cleaned up and hit the hay.

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You may have noticed I have moved the story rating to M. That was because, as I stated before, there will be yaoi content later in the story. We just need a little bit more characterization before I can drop a lust bomb. :3


	5. Chapter 5

Eric was in the shower, and here I am, basking in glory on his bed and smelling like a shit took a shit. Furthermore, my fur was sticking up like a mad scientist and my tail was twitching in anger. Not that I was mad, my tail was mad at me, it said it couldn't believe "The Moron" picked me! Eric is not a moron! Fuck him. Why did I have to have a jerk for a tail…?

So anyways, I was laying on Eric's bed and he comes out of the shower completely naked, with no regard to my presence. My face turned a beet red, "E-Eric? P-Please! U-Use a towel or something!" Eric laughed nervously, he seemed very jumpy all of a sudden, "Griffin, if y-you can be naked w-why can't I?" he asked. I looked away and giggled uncontrollably. How ironic was this? Humans easily become embarrassed of being naked, but little old Eric seemed to think differently. Wait… Was he even human? Now that I think about it, I don't think he looks too much like one.

"J-Just put something on!" I yelled, "You're a human, you're _supposed_ to wear clothes!" Eric sighed, turned around, and put something on. "Griffin, I am no human, I'm something different. Something unique." Hmm… Unique? I laughed internally, "You still assume the role of a human!" Eric frowned, scratched his neck a bit, then, in a half toned voice said "I cannot play the role of a human. Nobody treats my like one, in fact… They treat me like a monster. I've been alone my entire life simply because of this body and I hate it. So don't dare compare me to those jackasses."

W-What? What was that? "E-Eric, you do have rivals though, right?" I asked, not so sure of how to respond. I thought he was joking, I thought he would at least have somebody to compete with. Eric sighed, "No, I've never even had a rival. Only enemies." I was disappointed at what he had just said. This guy needs somebody in his life, and I swear I will find someone to fill that spot. A rival, friend, accomplice, ANYONE for him to at least talk to for a while, keep him company… Wait… I am that person. I'm talking to him right now! I sound like an idiot too!

"Griffin. My father was a dewott and my mother is a human. I'm a freak, get it? No matter how I act people will always treat me like a freak. Its just how things are," he turned around to face me, wearing a… "WHAT? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING A TUTU?" I screamed, shocked. So, Eric… What the hell are you up to? Because you're cross dressing in my face. "BECAUSE I WANT TO AND ITS NOT A TUTU, IT'S A SKIRT!" His face turned completely red, like a tomato painted in blood. Yeah, that kind of red. Of course, that's when my bladder gives way. "GRIFFIN, WHAT THE FUCK? YOU'RE PEEING ON THE BED!" I didn't care, his completely red face scared me. In fact, his flustered face was so red I had a nervous breakdown right there. I should've told him earlier, I have a phobia of extreme redness of the face. Great.

The boy picked me up and rocked me like a baby. "H-Hey, c-calm down G-Griffin! W-Why are you shivering so much?" he asked of me, of course the only thing I could get out is "Y-Your face." Eric frowned, then grinned mischievously. What could he be thinking? "You know what is ten times more terrifying than my face?" he asked, he seemed to be trying to hold a laugh back, "H-Huh, what mama?" I also grinned, this could be fun. "Your tail. Its growling at me in an animus fashion. Quite stylish if I say so myself!" he stated sinisterly, and then he broke out laughing and fell over, taking me down with him. Sheesh, what a lunatic. If he's a moron, he's a funny one.

I tried to stand up, but Eric had me locked in a bear hug. I squirmed a bit and Eric gripped me harder. Then I felt his thin, wet tongue slide against my face. I stopped struggling and I blushed. "E-Eric, w-what are you doing?" He grinned and winked at me "I don't know, but your face is sure tasty!" And then he collapsed. Geez, what a weirdo.

And there goes my tail, screaming off insults about Eric again. "Shut up Devin! You're such a jackass to him! What did he ever do to you? Its not like he punched you in the face like I have to do to you every day!" I sighed. I just can't wait until I evolve, then I'll have a completely new tail that, hopefully won't be as much of a put down as Devin. Besides, I'll be much stronger! Maybe I'll go back to my old territory and beat the shit out of those umbreon who killed my mother and father. Sounds fun.

I shut my eyes. At least I'll be fatter than I am right now. Then I can tackle Eric whenever he wears a skirt again… Ahahah…

The next morning, me and Eric set our sights on the daycare. Eric said he needed to meet someone there, but last night, if I recall… He said he had no friends, so who could it be? Anyways, we started heading towards Striaton City, and guess who we ran into again? The green and white lunatic! That's right! The shaymin from before! This time, he was wearing a purple scarf with large blue print that spelled out Yuki. So, this guy was named Yuki huh?

"Oh hey there Yuki, still going on about cookies, or have you moved onto cake?" I asked, seriously this guy is so silly sometimes. Town goofball has became the region goofball. I dare anyone to be sillier than him. "My name isn't Yuki, its Yu. Yuki was the closest I could find to it," the shaymin stated, and I just stood there, acting flabbergasted while on the inside I was laughing. "You're me? Wow, that's pretty deep Yuki!"

"Blah blah blah, I just want the cookies you guys owe me for distracting the nurse from my awesomeness. Now fork them over," this guy is insane… Truly insane. In fact, he deserves an award. "Yu, no cookies for you. You can take my tail though! It's a bitch!" Yu frowned, "I don't want a bitch, I'm attracted to cookies!" Eric laughed, and so did I. This guy is so freaking silly, for crying out loud he must be trying. "Y-Yu, s-stop trying to be so funny!" Yu stared at us both, "I am not trying to be funny, I'm serious! I'm a victim of mental insanity and you know it!"

We laughed more, and then for the second time this week my bladder gave away. Am I having problems? What the is up with my organs? They smoking pot in there or something? Seriously, All Eric has to take in the morning is an alza36! I have to rely on pig meat to make it through the day… I forgot who I was for a moment there, sorry.

I grabbed the shaymin by the ear and dragged him over to Eric. "We should get going. We've still got a ways to go," I said, man, the shaymin was heavy… Wait, that makes sense. I didn't notice before but he's really FAT. All those cookies must be getting to him. "Alright, look out Striaton City, a certain blue person and an orange pig are comin' through with an overweight shaymin!" Eric exclaimed loudly, almost oblivious to both of our sensitive ears. Almost. "Uh… S-Sorry about that. I mean, your ears."

Devin, if he's a moron, he's a pretty cute moron at that.


	6. Chapter 6

Oh look! Its finally done! Chapter 6!

I'm just warnin' you guys, it gets pretty ludicrous in this chapter!

Also, see if you can spot the reference. :3

If you can't, then you've missed out on the best book ever published.

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Ah, Striaton City, home of dreams and a five star restaurant. We finally got there after about thirty to forty minutes of brutal sprinting. Yup, turns out Griffin is that kind of a guy who has a shit ton of stamina. Silly pig, always full of energy. He seems to bounce with his steps too, which reminds me a bit of a kangaroo.

I'm heading over to the daycare to stay for the night, since the owners of it are my aunt and uncle. Their little girl loves to piss me off or embarrass me. Whenever I wear my skirt around her she flicks it up as if she was checking to see if I was still a guy. Kind of weird, but I guess that's a little stupid of me to say. But before any of that, we were going to have a look around the city since I wasn't ready for that hell hole and it was still only four o'clock. To put that in perspective, I usually eat dinner around eight or nine o'clock. There was still about four more hours left to prowl around.

I was looking at a massive billboard which clearly read, in large friendly letters "DON'T PANIC" with some steampunk artwork on it. Hmm… Where did that come from? Hmm… And where the hell did Griffin go?

As I looked around for the rascal, I spotted some crazy trainer in the plaza with a serperior and a pokéball visor, doing battle with the previous champion Iris. Wait… Isn't that… Nate? Whoa, no way! What was the current champion doing here? One powerful trainer was good enough!

Nate, on the blue side, was currently in the defensive. He was practically spewing out a jumble of words trying to get the upper hand. He was using a mixture of Swords Dance and Light Screen. Knowing his battle style (from watching him, of course) he was a very… Unpredictable opponent. A while later, once he couldn't use Swords Dance and Light screen any more and his serperior was all battered up, he used Baton Pass and threw out his Registeel, which made a couple random beeping sounds that probably only a porygon could understand.

Iris' pokemon, which was a haxorus, much like Nate's serperior, was really beaten up. Hmm, I wonder how that could have happened? I mean, its not every day you get to see that haxorus out in battle in the first place! Let alone this close to fainting!

As I took my attention off of the two trainers, I noticed the rascal tepig running up near the battleground, somehow completely clueless to the little sparring session. I ran over and swooped him up. Everyone saw me. Plumbers, surfers, musicians, maybe the occasional evil mastermind who wants to rape you. Yeah, I guess that covers pretty much everyone in the mix of people who didn't matter, as they all knew that they were all bat shit insane. They also knew that I was somewhat bat shit insane too. No, who I really had to worry about was the skinny girl with the big ass samurott. She also had a pokéball visor, though it was white and the pokéball design was pink. I think her name was Rosa, yeah, Nate's little sister.

For any of you who have never met Rosa, she's a complete racist fuck. Just write that down in your notes people. WRITE IT DOWN.

She was glaring. At me. Why? I'm fluffy! Oh wait, I think that might be the issue.

She pointed at me and the samurott just sort of shook his head and ran at me, unsheathing one of his big ass swords. Damn, what the fuck? "I'm sorry," he said, well I don't care. I want to keep my life, thank you very much! I ran. No. I fucking CHARGED through a cloud of confused, insignificant characters as I screamed for my dear life. "DEAR LIFE, I LOVE YOU! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!"

After a while of sprinting, screaming, flailing, and causing utter mind fucks from the commotion, I finally managed to outrun that hell-bent samurott. Or at least it seemed that way. I finally calmed down and that's when Griffin decided to make a comment. "Well, that lady sure was nice!" Like I asked before, what the fuck is up with this guy? "You call murderous intent friendly? Are you crazy?" I asked, with a ludicrously shaped face that none could even comprehend its strangeness. "Yes. I am bat shit insane, like all those other people. You called your writer insane too by the way." Oh well, its not like they're a musician or anything. That would be a nightmare.

Suddenly, I heard someone in the clouds singing something about their feelings being hurt and how they were going to make sure that Rosa came back to haunt me in my sleep. Damn it, they are a musician! And an electronic one at that. I should stop breaking the fourth wall already. I've done it way to much.

Just then, Rosa found me. She pulled out a knife and put it around my neck. "You're gonna die, you sick blue fuck." No I'm not, I'm going to live. "If you don't take that knife away from my neck right now I'm going to have to destroy you!~ I'll enjoy tearing you apart limb from limb~," I said in the most cheery voice I could mimic. I wanted to scare the fuck out of her. She didn't bite. She wasn't a tuna apparently. Then I remembered the sign from before. "You should panic. Its bad for your health," I said. Rosa just screamed . "HOW DID YOU KNOW? I'M ALERGIC TO PANIC!" She ran off, just like that. Wow, that was easy.

I frowned, hopefully there weren't going to be many more of those kind of people on my journey. The whole reason I became a trainer in the first place was to find my father. He disappeared suddenly without any note or trace of where he went. It really pulls at my leg.

But perhaps, that may not be the real reason I left my hometown. Maybe it was because I was tired of being treated like a monster and I wanted to be acknowledged by somebody. Acknowledged in a good way, unlike how Rosa acknowledges me. Yeah, I met her before, that's how I know about her name. Back then I used to wear a shawl and cover my face in bandages, so she probably doesn't remember me. I always would beat her at chess, she cried like a bitch every time. Ahhh… Good times.

Well, there's no point in delaying anymore, I guess its time to go to the daycare. Hopefully they don't make me force mating again, that was gross.

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Okay, thats it! Please review!~


	7. Chapter 7

Ghhhh! That Rosa girl! Eric said he had some kind of business with her but I'd think otherwise… For some reason she really gets on my nerves… And I don't even know her!

I paced around the guest room some, muttering to myself. That fucking bitch taking away my time with Eric! W-Wait. What am I saying?!

Its been over two hours since Eric left the house, and I was getting bored. I thought I would maybe eat some of the candies Eric set beside the table for me… I guess one won't hurt.

I jumped up on the table and shoved one in my mouth… It was sweet, with a little tanginess. Almost immediately afterwards I started to glow a bright blue. My face began to flatten, and I managed to stand up on two legs. I grew more than twice my size as ornate designs covered my chest and my tail puffed up. To cut it short, I evolved!

The table gave way and I toppled. A large bang filled the house as I face planted into the floor and yelped. My years flashed before me as I spazzed on the floor.

An hour of spazzing later and a blue, furry figure walked into the room. Seeing me thrashing on the floor and he held me down. "Calm down Griffin!" I continued to thrash some more until eventually he gave me a kiss on the forehead and I fell into a trance-like sleep.

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Yeah yeah, very short chapter I know.


	8. Chapter 8

The universe is quite a big place. In fact, nobody could even comprehend how immensely large it is. And all the crazy shit that happens within this "universe"… Makes no fucking sense. In fact, it can't make sense! It has a mental disability that prevents anything logical from occurring! Music in space, sex on the moon, cake exploding in your bowels, solid matter! It all happens! For instance, how Griffin evolved off of only one rare candy, and why he was spazing on the floor… Its kind of weird if you think about it. We haven't even been in a battle yet! Well, according to the writer we've been in one battle, but screw that gal! She's weird! And it seems me and the fourth wall hate each other.

So here I was, contemplating over all this as the giant pig snored in my bed facedown with his tail swishing back and forth… He was muttering something about me and bacon… Oh well, I guess he's a cannibal? He has always been strange, though I am a little curious about what goes on in his head… Its times like this I wish I knew dream eater or some other silly move that could let me see other people's dreams… Hell, I wish I could actually learn moves!

Now watch him wake up from his nap in one… Two… Griffin roared out a mighty yawn and lifted his head to look at me sitting in an office chair by the large cherry wood desk against the wall. Ooooh such a comfy chair! I could just curl up and take a nap and maybe even die in it! Eh, I can dream... I can't die, my writer won't let me! I KNEW I should have sold myself to someone else instead of them, then at least I could jack off every once and a while! I haven't gotten any relief in the past week and my little friend keeps trying to photobomb! For some reason cameras arouse me, don't judge or I'll come to your house and feed you oranges.

The fatuously fat swine threw its shank out of the bed covers and plopped on his ass with a loud bang that resonated through the entire room, and maybe through the entire house! Goodness, my luscious fur stood up a bit and my posture got all blocky like I was in an 8-bit game or something! Wait no, the special effects- Forget I said anything. My fabulous fur is ruined. Excuse me while I dramatically cry off camera and try to fix it.

-(~)-(~)-

The abomination of a pig walked up to me and patted me on the head. "I'm taller than you now," he said, a smug look on his face which somehow complimented his large belly. I made a fake pout and responded with utmost care. "I'm blue. Ba da be da da die, motherfucker," I said, making the fat ass pig stare at me obliviously for the longest of times. "Well… I'm orange! And I'm bigger and genuinely fatter than you, Eric." "Gah, screw you! I'm fluffier!" (Since when would anybody be proud of, or want to be fat? What a weird writer!)

I motioned over to a small paper bag sitting on the desk, trying to contemplate how fat this will make the already obese (No offense to anybody out there who is actually obese) pig. Griffin picked up the bag and looked inside of it, only to encounter a very pink donut. "Congrats buddy. Now you can get even fatter! And for the low price of your life I can remove any kidney stones it gives you too! That's a ten-million pokédollar value for the cost of only your life!" "No thanks." "Alright then, your loss."

I stood up, my baggy pants unrolling to cover my ankles. "We should probably get moving before we get assaulted by the little girl. I don't want to cause any commotion. Or sexual tension," I said quietly pointing to the door. "Alright, I'll try my best to be quiet," Griffin snorted as he shoved the donut into his maw and walked over to the door, opening it for me. "After you sir," he said, as if he were trying to be a gentleman. "Oh look at you being all polite~," I took a step out the door and grabbed the pignite's paw and led him down the hall, through the kitchen, and out the front door of the daycare, closing it quietly behind me.

As I started to walk back towards Striaton, Griffin let loose a query. "Why are we going back to Striaton City? Shouldn't we be heading to Nacrene?" he asked curiously. "First, we're going to visit the Dreamyard, then we're going to beat the Striaton gym leaders and win the badge. It should be a fun first battle for you," I stated, walking past the town square and towards the Dreamyard, whose doorway glowed a faint purple light and emitted many sparks, which flew around much like fireflies. "Oh look, Green!" the pignite pointed to the yard's arch, "No Griffin, that's purple. Are you colorblind or are you just mentally insane?" "None of the above. Where's the little circle I'm supposed to shade in with one of those sticks called a pencil? This IS a quiz… Right?" I shook my head. He's always so silly and carefree, and I can't seem to understand him very well.

I reached out and touched the gateway, sparks flying up my arm and embedding themselves in my flesh. For some reason it didn't hurt, instead my limb became incredibly numb. Griffin noticed that my arm dropped from the archway, seemingly lifeless for a few seconds before it jolted back to life, the numbness fading. "Well, that certainly was strange…" I muttered to myself, somewhat in awe of what just occurred, "These sparks seem to have some sort of special quality that causes paralysis. At least, for humans. Griffin, why don't you try touching the gateway?" I asked, unaware of the real effects of the strange sparks. The pignite nodded and pressed his paw against the walls of the gateway. Unlike what happened to me, the sparks fled from the pokémon's touch, which caused the pig to sob, "Am I so ugly that even quantum particles run away from me?" he asked in sorrow. "Quite the opposite, you look wonderful."

We took a step into the large yard of dreams and looked around. The place was barren, almost entirely devoid of life, other than us two main characters and a couple of skittys being pink and cuddly and gay in the tall grass. How cute.

In the middle of the yard stood two large, but unstable concrete buildings. The left building. had a large cone-shaped chimney extending out from the roof, making it look oddly like a nuclear reactor. Of course no steam or smoke was rising out of it, since the building was abandoned after all. Or was it? It seems like there is a couple more presences here, though that's probably just my sixth sense being silly.

Us two walked up to the entrance to the somewhat nuclear structure and took a look inside. Juniper was sitting in a seat in a room that looked somewhat like a hospital lobby. Leather benches lined the stone walls. The desk had a mass of newspapers and magazines scattered upon it, as if somebody was reading previously. I checked one of the newspaper's dates… A 1967 issue of the Unova Times. "Go ahead, read it." I jumped. The professor from before was standing right behind me, "C'mon Eric, the readers are waiting. At least make the chapter worth while!" I nodded to this.

"Mass Flood in Upper Region Causes Hysteria For the People," I read, the title was all I needed to know. "I can't read this. This is a tragedy!" "Fine."

I dropped the piece of shit. "Bring on the papers!" I scream as I scatter all the papers on the desk, allowing them to fly everywhere… On the floor, on the walls, on the ceiling… Wait what?

I jumped up to grab the papers that were being so rebellious to the laws of physics, like some sort of little child. To no avail, the pieces of devil shits just wouldn't obey my pleas. It wouldn't obey my orange juice in a wine glass either. I eventually just gave up.

After I cleaned up all the papers, Griffin finally decided to lay out on the floor and oink like a fucked banana. He snorted up a literal ton of dust off of the floor, down into his lungs, and as it combusted inside of him a very large "WROOOWROOOOMMMFFFFGPH" sound came out. Who knew fires could be elephants?

"Griffin, I want eat your fucking ass hair," Juniper stated angrily. She was quite hungry and needed something to nibble on. "Here, have my Russian sandwich," I offered to the professor. She grabbed it and asked "What's Russian?" and then gobbled it down. A very frightened but equally happy, equally fabulous, and equally insane Yu flew into the building. The shaymin looked around and dramatically whispered "Cookies…" and jumped behind the counter, "What may I do for you today, my good sir Eric?" "Ah, yes… Yu? What the hell are YOU doing here?!" "I wanted to join you, perhaps… Perhaps not… Perhaps the giant computer was wrong about 42. Its for you to decide the meaning."

"Umm…" I trailed, "Wait, you want to join us? That makes no sense!" "All will make sense in due time, but for now, toodles!" the shaymin flashed back out the door, somehow managing to make no noise in the process. "Wow! What a gentledeer…" Griffin muttered sarcastically, "Because, you know-" "THAT PIECE OF SHIT!" Juniper screamed in rage. She was wearing a smile. Ahh, bipolar disorder, what a beautiful thing. The professor jumped around a bit "Yay yay yay! That asshole stole my cookies but I don't care!~ I feel wonderful!~"

Eventually, she collapsed under exhaustion. Her face bombed the ground, making an oddly shaped crater in the floor. Several rodent pokémon gathered around the mentally unstable professor. Only moments later, the creatures picked her up and carried her away to who knows where. I didn't try to stop them.

Griffin and I continued on, walking down a long hallway similar to a hospital's… Wait a moment! I opened one of the many doors lining the hallway. An old man, looking around sixty years old, coughed in his bed. Machines lined the walls, several on rollers, hooked up to the man with plastic tubes, cables, and a myriad of things. "This universe is shit," the man said, "They stopped giving me my daily donuts!" His arms flailed, middle fingers flashing for anyone or anything to see. He unattached all the cables and wires and merely screamed "GOODBYE WORLD! YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE!" All life that was present in this sixty year old man was sucked out of him as he laid limp on the terrible mattress underneath him.

Somebody died, how wonderful.


	9. Chapter 9: The battle begins

We jumped back out into the hallway. The sudden suicide of the old man was quite a strange sight, but there was no time to marvel in it. We had exploring to do. Griffin, in a somewhat silly manner started walking down the hallway, myself hanging just behind his large figure. "He looked like he was having fun! Hehe!" Oh gosh why, "Griffin, what the actual fuck has gotten into you this morning?" He turned around… "I'm possessed by a demon! Yay!" the pig exclaimed. My eyes widened, "Umm…" I was going to say something but I decided not to. "Eric, I was joking. I'm just bored..." Well that explains things. Griffin has a hard time staying still, doesn't he? "And you're planked." Oh man he's got bad puns on his side now, everybody hide! "Hey Eric? What's the snack that smiles back?" I shrug, "Children." He glared at me, "Fucking Goldfish. Sheesh!" "You have sex with goldfish?" The awkwardness pursued; "… Yes."

I stopped; "Tic… Toc… Tic… Toc…", something or someone was making a noise, and it certainly was not me or Griffin. "E-Eric?", Griffin asked. In immediate response, "I'm not sure. Its not much of a concern. Lets leave. I forgot why we were here." Griffon responded with utmost care with an analogy, "The amount of knowledge I have about why we are here is comparable to my knowledge of line integrals; virtually none. I can take normal integrals though, you might like that." "Don't overwhelm the readers with calculus just yet," I commanded, "you can do that as soon as the author has ran out of ideas." And thus I successfully broke the 4th wall, destroying the fabric of Minkowski space-time, spaghettifying everyone and everything into oblivion; the end. Or at least that was what the author wished would be the end of our story. In reality, nothing really happened from my own standpoint. I'm pretty sure the butterfly effect ties into this some way, though. Fool you once, shame on me.

As we made our way down the hallway to the entrance, and now to soon be exit of the building one had a twinkle of a thought; "Wait, if Yu was in the dreamyard of all places there must be cookies!" to which I reply with a mere yes, for I carry along with me a bag of cookies with me every day just in case I may need one for some ridiculous plot device. The author lost contact with her characters, I see. Anyways, returning back to general relativity- I mean walking; as the exit appeared in our vision, Griffon let out a cute little "Yay!~" and jumped out the arc into the oppressing beams of light emitted by the sun (and his attitude of course). He then stated "I will never notice you. Not because I'm your senpai, but because all these fucking light beams hitting my eyes have blinded me!" I sighed "You are not my senpai, you are my pokémon. For once in your life could you behave even slightly rational?" "Nope!~ Senpais aren't rational!~" "Yes they are." "Nuh-uh!" "Yep." "Nuh-uh!~" "Whatever, I'll never be able to convince you anyways." And with that, I started heading towards the Striaton gym with the pignite in tow.

We exited the gate to the dreamyard and immediately spotted the gym, venturing towards it with glee and excitement. I know that sentence sounded pretty boring but I promise you it's phenomenal; so is this sentence, and every sentence after it. In fact, all sentences are phenomenal. Regardless, as we busted through the gym doors not only did I notice that this was a café, but that everybody had dyed hair. You see, my hair color comes naturally to me, but these people have the most fabulous hair style you could ever see in your life minus my own. As Griffon entered the building as well, a hoard of these individuals gathered around him, all kissing him on the cheek before returning to their chairs. It was quite shocking you see, because one of them tried to go for the lips and was shoved away. Might I mention they were a guy. I'd think Griffon would be majorly gay, especially when it comes to guys with tutus and rainbow colored mullets. Did I talk about the mullet? I think I did. Anyways, so immediately after the polyamorous kissing fest a man with dark seafoam colored hair approached, beckoning us to the kitchen. We followed and was greeted with a great surprise as it turns out the room was NOT a kitchen and was instead a glorious field of flowers. Nah, joking, I wouldn't do that to you. It was actually a battle field. Fool you twice; how could I?

"My name is Cress, and I will be your opponent today, unless you don't want a piece of gold and steel gracefully carved by yours truly?" "Wait, so you're the gym leader?" "Indeed. So, are you here to battle or not? Or are you the pokémon and the flaming bacon is my opponent?" "I'm the trainer, and I demand my refund." I stated malevolently, "Throw your pokémon out already, we're ready to battle." "Are we?" Griffon asked amidst this massive wall of dialogue, "I don't remember consenting to this! Oh well, I guess it's part of being a trainer's pokémon." "Alright then. I choose Panpour!" Cress stated calmly as he grabbed a single pokéball from his pocket, pushed the button, releasing the blue monkey from it's cozy home and into the real world. "We will both be using one pokémon. The match will end when the opponent loses, and I intend that to be you." "Hey, you're pretty cocky. Do you suck dicks? You are what you eat, after all." "No." And with that, the battle began.

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Hey, I'm sorry this chapter was so short! It's been a while, hasn't it? I thought nobody really wanted to read this anymore so I kinda stopped writing it for a while, but I'm back now! Good to see you again! Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

You know that last statement about "the battle" begining? It never began. Welcome to an alternate timeline in which everything is virtually the same except the battle never existed. Hey, who said multiple dimensions was against the rules? I certainly don't recall "her" saying such a thing. I really need to stop breaking the 4th wall. It's unhealthy at this point. Though, I guess it is one of my main roles as a character with a soon to be predicament. Remember Rosa; yeah? She came back. She came back with a bag of pistachios (which were peculiarly covered in the tears of her enemies). The bag was labeled "Extra Salty". Now, I'm no mathematician, but I'm pretty sure that adds up to something.

Rosa had spotted me and Griffin almost instantly and pulled a cathode gun out of her backpack. It was the size of a small minigun. I must repeat this detail; she had a cathode gun the size of a small minigun packed into her backpack. How did she even get such a thing? How did she pack it? I just realized, I'd rather die by torture than get shot by that thing. With Griffin in tow, I began to run. She pointed the handheld cathode device at me and attempted to fire, but apparently her samurott had knocked it out of her hand.

"Thats it; run! She has no mercy for you! She will destroy you!"

I nodded, and as we ran I noticed the sweat beading down my partner's face and neck. He was quite out of shape. It was pretty cute though, I have to admit. Come on, Eric! Now is not the time for such thoughts; now is the time to run from your impending doom!

"God damnit Samurott, now you're on their side?! This calls for a big punishing when I'm done with those two!"

"Sorry, but I'm not going to be around when you're done."

"Whatever do you mean, faggot?"

The samurott paused for a second, as if he were pondering how legitimately stupid this girl actually was, before responding. "Toodles. I'd rather hang around people tolerant of someone's race and/or what cartoons they watch than waste my time with a loser." "I can burn you to a crisp too," replied the russet haired maniac beside him. "So be it..." He paused again, then started to trot away from Rosa and into the woods; "By the way, my name isn't faggot. It's Walter. Buck you."

Rosa cringed.

Quite a peculiar interraction, I thought.

As we ran into the next route, we leaped into some bushes, only to be greeted with a friendly "You had cookies in your backpack?"

Griffin jerked. "Yu, don't startle me like that," the pignite whispered angrily.

"Sorry, couldn't help myself. You know how I am when I am around cookies."

Griffin smirked, "The derivative of your personality with respect to time is always zero, isn't it?"

"Um, what?" Yu looked at the pig pokémon in utter confusion.

"Nevermind, Yu."

"Griffin, you already made a math joke last chapter," I stated. I was somewhat annoyed of him.

"I'm sorry; I really am," he said facetiously.

I sighed. "Fuck the world in the butt." And thus teratons of cum came raining from the sky. Nah, I kid you. In reality I tripped on thin air and almost broke my dick. I didn't though! Through the thick and thin, I have survived cock punishment after cock punishment and I still stand strong! And by stand I mean faceplanted into the ground. I am truly remarkable!

"Hello," a blue sealion said from behind us.

"Gah!" I shrieked in surprise.

"We haven't really gotten an opportunity to meet eachother face-to-face before, have we? I am Walter. I'm here to follow you like a creepy stalker and maybe teach you some things about things."

I blinked, "What things?"

He laughed, "That's the thing; I'm not sure yet, but I just know it'll happen." That wink he gave me at the end of that statement made me want to simultaneously kill myself and hug him.

"Wait, aren't you Rosa's samurott?"

He smirked as he held a crushed pokéball in his right paw. "Not anymore," he said, "I'm a free sealion! Fuck Rosa!"


End file.
